Formosa

A vegan paradise. Three words I would use to describe Formosa.

Formosa is a combination grocery/restaurant featuring just about every type of vegan food imaginable. It has freezers full of vegan meats, cheeses, and other dairy-free substitutes. It's walls are lined with vegan pet food, textured soy protein (TSP), and vegan candies.

I had been anticipating a visit to Formosa for quite some time and realized, upon finding it, that I had actually walked past several times in years gone by! How funny! Anyhow, before entering, I took a deep breath of vegan air and stared at my future conquest:

I then paused to look at the menu. The bad news: it was written in German. The good news: hamburger, wiener, frankfurter are also English words. Despite this, I was pretty lost. I decided to venture in and investigate further. 

A larger-print version of the same menu was displayed over the counter. Shoot. I stared at it for a good seven minutes, sounding the words out as I went. Anyone else would have thought I were crazy. Fortunately, the cheery Asian owners were more than happy to continue their conversation with each other. I faded into the background.

Presently, the door blew open and a dirty German couple lumbered in, setting their dirty backpacks in a corner. The man bumped into me.

Sorry, I didn't see you there, I imagined him saying.

After fifteen seconds of deliberation, they ordered.  Clearly they had entered with a plan-of-attack. I'm sure they had been envisioning this moment for the entirety of their sweaty 400 kilometer trek. Well played, dirty German couple. Well played.

Another two minutes passed by. They knew what they wanted. Why was it so hard for me? Oh, that's right. I don't know what a Gerandelen is. Maybe I should order it.

Somehow, while the menu had been sliding in and out of focus, the couple had gotten their food. Dammit! What the Sam Hill is wrong with me? As if out of thin air, the man had a veggie burger between his hands.

Something clicked inside and I knew the moment had come to order. I made eye contact with the female proprietor. She smiled, reassuring me that I was both visible and that my business was still welcome. I pointed to the menu.

"All vegan?"

"Ah, ja! All vegan! You like...?"

"Ah, ja. I'll have...."

I looked at the menu again.

"I'll have.... Chicken...nuggets...."

"You want chicken nuggets?"

"Um, yes. Aaand...I'll...al...so...have...."

My eyes grazed the menu again, seeming to stick on Gerandelen. Oh, what the heck! You only live once, right?

"You want chicken nuggets?"

"Ahh, yes. And I'll also have the Gerandelen."

"And Gerandelen!?"

"Ah, yeah. Wait. What are Gerandelen?"

"You want Gerandelen?"

"Ah, yeah, I think so, but what are Gerandelen? Was ist Gerandelen?"

"Oh, Gerandelen are.... Gerandelen? You want Gerandelen?"

"Yeah, I'll take the Gerandelen. And the chicken nuggets."

"And the chicken nuggets?"

"Yes, please."

My palms started to sweat.

What had I just gotten myself into? Why did I do that? What are Gerandelen? And why am I in this handbasket? Questions flooded my consciousness as I stumbled away, looking for somewhere to sit down.

I found a seat at a table in a second, smaller room. The chairs were a little low for the table; it was really a table for standing. And the chairs were for sitting. Fortunately, I have long arms.

I turned around to examine the freezer of vegan meats. My jaw dropped. Never, in all my Earth-dwelling years had I seen such bounty! Such a spread! How cool!

Vegan beef, turkey, lamb, drumsticks, fishes, meat paste (meat paste?), and even a whole chicken breast, pressed into form. It was fascinating. I turned back around and found myself staring at the edge of the table.

A moment later, the waiter arrived:

It turns out Gerandelen are shrimp. I grimaced. I have never been one for seafood.

Nothing against fish. I mean, they're cool when they're alive. I think it's neat how they can find oxygen in the water and sometimes they're really pretty. But the thought of eating one has always turned my stomach. They smell gross when they're being cooked, when they're being eaten, when you're hiding them under your plate. Plus, my sister once nibbled on a fish eye. I thought that was pretty gross.

But, they were in front of me. I had ordered them. Time to own up and take responsibility for my decision. I speared one with my fork, smothering it in chili-duck sauce, and took a bite. It was...tasteless. To be fair, though, I don't remember real shrimp tasting like much of anything either. At least the tomato was ripe.

The chicken nuggets were good, though. I liked how straight the sides were:

I finished in good time and got up to wander around some more. Rather than describe everything, I'll just post some pictures. Lots of things I want to try. I also bought some TSP and look forward to trying that. If, like me, you've ever wondered what it looks like close up, here's a picture:

But, lest this review sound, like, too negative or whatever, I'm headed back today and can hardly wait. I'm going to order something other than appetizers, too. 

Before leaving, I also found that, when flipped over, the menu is in English:

That should come in handy.

Vegan substitutes:

Cheeses and Pet Food:

Candies and Drinks:

*******UPDATE*******UPDATE*******

I returned to Formosa yesterday! It was awesome!! I ordered a chicken burger. Take a look:

Tremendous.

I also purchased some vegan jerky. I have not had such an experience in 15 years. Seriously, it tasted just real enough, but I think what got me most was the texture. My teeth have not taken on something so chewy/tough in such a long time. It felt great! Really a wonderful product; I was literally stopped in my tracks (I tend to walk while eating). I just had to pause for a moment to appreciate how good it was. Made by a Chinese company; few ingredients. I have already finished it and will go back for more today. No MSG.

Name:

Formosa

Type:

Vegan/Gluten-free

Hours of Operation:

Monday to Saturday: 11-21

Price Range:

€ (€2,30 to €7,90) see menu

Don't Miss:

The chicken burger is amazing! It is a great snack and the cheapest thing on the menu. You can order a plate (which I have not yet done) and get a salad and soup. Really, try the vegan jerky; and there is also a huge selection of vegan cheeses. I'm guessing not all of them are good (as they also offer Tofutti slices...) but I am going to try as many as I can and report back. No Gerandelen.

Address:

6th District: Barnabitengasse 6, 1060 Wien, Tel. +43 01 5811112

How to Get There:

Take the U3 to Neubaugasse. When you get off the train, head up to street level and walk up Mariahilfe Straße toward the Generali Center and Diesel. You will come to a fairly large church on the left after about 200m. Take a left right before the church on the walking road. Formosa will be on the left after 50m. Enjoy!

Landia

Landia sits just off Vienna's main shopping drag, Mariahilfer Straße. A recent arrival to the Viennese vegetarian scene, it opened its doors in January 2009. I decided to give it a whirl, having heard great things about it.

I don't know if Landia would be considered upscale, but it certainly has a relaxing and well thought out interior. Glowing rocks, copious plants, and bookshelves lined with travel tomes invite the diner to indulge in more than just food.

The menu is all vegetarian and everything (save for the Mozzarella salad and honey tort) can be made vegan. I would describe the offerings as traditionally Austrian with versions of Schnitzl, Laibchen, and Knödl but there are also some more Easterly choices like samosas, curries, and pita.

As smoking is still permitted in Austrian restaurants, there are two dining areas, one for smokers and one for non-smokers. Though it's pretty impossible to avoid some amount of smoke when sitting in an enclosed space, Landia did a much better job than most restaurants. (A side note--actually, this whole review is pretty much a side note: The smoking section was better lit than the non-smoking section, even with candles. I preferred to think of it as more romantic, although I could see how, in some cases, gazing at a lover through a cloud of smoke could be desirable.)

I had the opportunity to sample two dishes: the Cordonbleu with parsley potatoes and the Indian plate, a daily special. The Cordonbleu is an Austrian invention which features two "pieces of meat" sandwiching a piece of vegan cheese and then deep fried in some sort of batter. It was delicious. The parsley potatoes (Petersilkartoffeln) were also quite good and the two went very well with the vegan tartar sauce. In addition, there was a salad of julienned vegetables drizzled with an irresistible dressing. Mmmm. At first I was a bit despondent because it looked like my plate didn't have a lot of food, but at the end of the meal I found there had been quite enough.

The Indian plate featured Basmati rice, a broccoli-vegetable curry, lentil curry, apple chutney, and a julienned salad. It was awesome! I think the chutneys (for some reason reminiscent of my childhood or Thanksgiving) were the best part. Delicious!

[I will make it a point to look up synonyms for delicious when I get a chance.]

To wet my whistle I ordered a hemp beer. It smelled like Birkenstocks and body odor. Just kidding!! It was a good beer and organic, though I can't say its effect on me was anything out of the ordinary. I fear that anything sinister in the hemp was removed prior to bottling. Oh, and I also drank, like, two liters of water. I was really thirsty when I got to the restaurant because I hadn't had anything to drink all day. The public fountains are shut off during the winter.

For dessert, I selected several titles from the bookshelf and then made the connection between the name LANDia and the travel theme. I recommend the book on weird hotels whose pages are filled with creative ways to spend a night and several hundred Euros.

Lest this review drag on too long, I will start to wrap up. The waitress was really nice. The owner, who serves as cook, has been a vegetarian for twenty years and was a chef prior to opening Landia. He was also very kind and accommodating; I think maybe his wife works there, too?

The other diners ranged in age from 23 to 47 though there was a man sitting alone a the bar who looked to be in his 50's.

Name:

Landia

Type:

Vegetarian/Vegan

Hours of Operation:

Monday to Saturday: 9-22

Price Range:

€ (€3,40 to €7,80) see menu

Don't Miss:

The Cordonbleu is really great and was fun to eat. It was also nice to have some vegan Tartar sauce. It's really cool to have the option of vegan for all the dishes. A breath of fresh air! Don't forget to check out the books!! There are so many!!

Address:

7th District: Ahornergasse 4, 1070 Wien, Tel. +43 01 2935627

How to Get There:

Take the U3 to Neubaugasse. When you get off the train, head up to street level and walk up Neubaugasse (it runs perpendicular to Mariahilfe Straße). You will pass Richtergaße and cross over Lindengaße. The next left will present itself, not as a street, put as a pedestrian path through an apartment building. Walk through this and you will emerge onto Ahornergaße. Landia will be on the right after 30m. Enjoy!

Rainbow

Reformhaus Regenbogen ("Rainbow") is one of my favorite places to eat in Vienna. The great food, unique set-up, and comfortable atmosphere make for a truly satisfying experience. I have never left hungry; I have always left happy.

I first visited Rainbow three years ago and have always known it as a stalwart vegetarian respite. However, upon my latest visit I noticed some non-vegetarian options on the menu which confused me:

I won't hesitate to review the restaurant, though, because it has a number of great vegan options and has been so good about filling my belly these past years.

Q: So, what kind of food does Rainbow have?

A: I'm glad you asked!

Had I not been famished, blindfolded, and near exhaustion the first time I stumbled into Rainbow, I never would have considered eating this food. That's mostly a lie, but it does contain a grain of truth. You see, loyal readers, Rainbow takes the "traditional approach"  to vegetarian fare, creating everything from scratch. In nanotechnology, this would be considered a bottoms-up approach and I'm not (in theory) a huge fan of this style. 1) Because it often takes the form of a bland, soggy, vegetal mass and 2) gives a bad name to what can and should be a diverse and excel-ent cuisine. But, when done well--and Rainbow does it very well--it can just sparkle. I mean really knock the socks off your tongue.

***

You push the door open; a tiny bell jingles merrily. Every head in the store turns, smiling, to face you. You flash a winning grin and wave. "Hallo! Wie geht's?" you proffer in flawless High German. "Gut, danke!" they reply in unison. You smile and everybody laughs, elbowing each other in the ribs. At Rainbow, everyone is a friend.

You stride through the aisles of spices, scented soaps, and hempen dish towels, eyes trailing over a freezer packed to breaking with soy sausages, chik'n nuggests, and tangy vegetarian burgers. Squarely, you stop in front of the counter and reality sets in.

He's in his late 30's and taking far too long to order. You don't even speak German or understand what he's saying but you're still annoyed (so is the woman taking his order). He's asking far too many questions for so simple a meal. I surmise that he wants the student menu but is clearly not a student. He also seems to be having trouble deciding on his side orders which, had he been here before, would not be a problem because he'd know that he can't go wrong. Everything is good.

He's not Austrian (his German is too grating). He's possibly employed but most likely traveling. You're not even sure that he's vegetarian, though he does opt for a meatless dish. Oh God, he's pointing to the side dishes again. You begin tapping your foot, deciding that he's just mildly retarded. Finally he sidles off and the waitress smiles.

You quickly look at your feet, hands in pockets. Cautiously, you approach the counter and stare greedily at the food helplessly imprisoned behind the glass. You feel the urge to set it all free, to liberate it.

"Run! Run to my belly!" you yell. 

"Excuse me?" she says.

"I WANT IT ALL," you scream.

Now the waitress looks at her feet. You sigh and try another tack.

***

A bar, of sorts, surrounds a small kitchen. (Rainbow is half health food/eco-products store and half restaurant.) One portion of the bar has seating for eating and the other part, with food on display, is where you order. The most common dish includes a choice of entree and three sides. (Soup is also an option but I have never tried it; I'm sure it's great.) There are generally three main dishes, all of which are vegetarian, two or three of which are vegan. They have been made earlier in the day, but are reheated to perfection and covered with a sauce of your choosing. I'm a fan of the curry sauce which is (purposefully) not too spicy; extra chili is available upon request.

This time I ordered an entree based by rice and topped with a mix of chickpeas and steamed vegetables. Each portion was individually flavored and the vegetables had a tangy, sesame-ginger taste. The curry sauce with which it was covered is more like a gravy than anything else and adds yet another dimension of flavor.

As if that weren't enough, a choice of three sides (Salate) accompanies this masterpiece. There are about 12 to choose from. I have included a picture of the potential lingual playmates:

As I mentioned above, you really can't go wrong with any of them. They're all awesome. That being said, I do have my favorites. I love the potato salad. I don't know that I would die for it, but I'm certainly a better person for having tried it. The chickpea dahl is also a superb side and, no, it was not overkill with the other chickpeas on my plate. The third side came in the form of genuine sauerkraut. Not too wet, not too dry. A bold accent to this beastless feast.

I seated myself on the bench--there is room for six to eight people--and waited for my food. While I was waiting, the waitress poured me a glass of water from a jug containing rocks. These weren't just any old stones that you drop into a jug of water. These were special rock crystals whose benefits included removing impurities, energizing the water, and balancing pH. The water didn't taste any different but as I drank I felt my heartbeat strengthen.

My food arrived:

Again, delicious. And, though I finished it all, I did not have room for more than another glass of energy water. The waitress asked if I would like a (vegan) dessert; I declined. But let's rewind for a moment.

One of my pet peeves is chewing. As nature abhors vacuums, so do I abhor chewing. It is a combination of sound and tempo that gets me. Loud chewing is one thing but loud chewing at a rapid speed pushes me over the edge. [Hear in your mind's ear an older gentleman in blazer and loosened tie feverishly chewing the mouthful of ice left over from a cheap gin and tonic. Maybe he just finished chewing a handful of peanuts with his front teeth, too.] 

Anyway, as I was beginning to enjoy my meal I suddenly noticed the quiet that had descended upon the diners. For most people this would be a good thing: patrons thoroughly enjoying their meal, no time for chit-chat, everyone avoiding eye contact with the crazy guy. For me it signals the beginning of the end. Without fail my ears hone in on the sound of chewing. It came from the right, from a young man eating his lunch. I tried to be Zen about it but found myself losing the battle with irritation. I was rescued by the waitress' putting on a CD, an indigenous rendition of My Heart Will Go On. I finished my meal in peace.

As the waitress cleared my plate the chewing gentleman and I began talking. I discovered that he was not a vegetarian but enjoyed vegetarian food, often frequenting Rainbow and citing its filling fare. I suspect there is more of a market for hearty vegetarian food among non-vegetarians than ardent carnivores would lead you to believe. (If for no other reason than eating meat does not exclude one from eating vegetarian.) In fact, a 2007 survey found that 40% of Americans eat vegetarian on "a regular basis."

Before leaving, I asked the owner whether she would mind if I took some pictures. She misunderstood and took the camera from my hand, snapping pictures left and right. She even surprised some of the guests:

In other words, I can only claim responsibility for about half of the pictures in this post.

Name:

Reformhaus Regenbogen

Type:

Vegetarian/Vegan

Hours of Operation:

Monday to Friday: 10-21

Price Range:

€ (€5,50 to €7,80) see menu

Don't Miss:

Student Menu (Studenten-Teller) which includes an entree, three side dishes, and a drink. It's €5,50; €6,90 with soup. Don't miss the potato salad!

Address:

9th District: Garnisongasse 12, 1090 Wien, Tel. +43 0408 65 85

How to Get There:

Take the U4 or U6 to Schottentor and exit the station, following signs for Schottenring. When you emerge from underground you should be facing the Votivkirche (it's the big church with two steeples) and at the point of a "V" created by two main streets. Take the street to the left, Universitätsstrasse, but walk on the right side (not as confusing as it sounds), taking the second right after the park, Garrisongasse. Two hundred meters down this road and it will be on the right. Enjoy!